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After my travels, I returned to Michigan with two opposing emotions tugging at me.

When I got in Monday morning on the red-eye flight, with gritty eyes and a lingering sore throat, my immediate reaction was relief to be home. Two and a half weeks is a long time to be on the move for this homebody, and I was ready to be back to my own routine. (Such a Capricorn, according to my astro-logical friend Michelle.) And of course I was delighted to see my Maisie. I know she was very well taken care of by her "grandparents." (Thanks again, Mom and Dad!) But she performed such a gleeful wiggly-waggy welcome dance that it was worth going away just to come home to that.

However, I also felt a twinge of the "grass is greener" syndrome. (Well. The grass is greener on the west coast right now. Much, much greener.) Michigan won the coin toss when I was deciding where to settle, but I'll always have some lingering regrets about the roads not taken. The feeling was compounded by the winter blues that always strike in January - usually immediately post-holidays, but this year I outran them until I stopped moving. Then they caught up with me full force.

My house seemed empty and lonely with just Maisie and me to fill it. Even when my super-snuggly pup hopped onto the bed and curled into the curve of my bent knees, she couldn't quite fill the hole left behind by the shape of where I'd been. I missed the friends I'd just reconnected with...and I wished I'd had more time and more energy to connect more fully...and I felt desolate just thinking of the immense energy it would take to forge deeper connections here, if I could find them at all. And I'd loved seeing all the little ones and spending a short time in their worlds, but I'd also gotten a glimpse of how hard parenting is. And while I still think that's something I want to do if I have the chance, that dose of reality felt overwhelming, too.

I needed to get out. And I did. For one worthwhile reason after another. I'm slowly letting these reasons work their way in and improve my outlook - because there are so many terrific things happening here.

On Monday night I trekked through the cold to the Opera House for the Traverse City Tomorrow forum, where a crowd of 400 listened to a panel of local leaders weigh in with their ideas for realizing the potential of this place. I am energized by the fact that we have a smart-growth Grand Vision to guide us and a mayor with a plan I can definitely get behind. I'm encouraged to know that so many of the things I hold dear - appreciation for a stunning landscape, environmental protection, local food production, a walkable and bikeable city, a strong community of neighbors who can see past differences of opinion to help each other out  - are at the forefront of the agenda for many others, too.

On Tuesday Maisie and I went for a post-work woods-walk with Michael and Powell and then returned home to eat soup by the fire. While it hasn't always been easy to occupy the middle ground in this saga, and so often I am baffled about what outcome even to hope for, it's still nice that somehow it works.

Wednesday I finally went grocery shopping, and Thursday to the monthly Green Drinks event where I found that I actually knew plenty of people to chat with. Friday I saw Michael's play, and Saturday we went for another neighborly dog walk in the woods.

On Sunday I spent the afternoon in a packed meeting room at the library, where we heard Eric Toensmeier talk about permaculture and community gardens and discussed how these principles could be applied locally. I'm totally inspired by his backyard food-producing jungle in Massachusetts and energized to start planning further additions to my own garden. Plus, urban chickens have been approved in TC as of last September. There's much excitement. Somebody's even organizing a "Tour de Coop" for the spring. More here - and more to come from me on the subject, no doubt, as I ponder whether to start a flock of my own. Meanwhile, I keep meeting more good folks of my generation whose roots are here in northern Michigan and who, like me, went off and had adventures elsewhere and have recently returned, full of energy and enthusiasm and ideas and a strong commitment to this community.

After the library event, I picked up Maisie and drove out to the farm for a snowy walk with Michelle and Berkana, and while the dogs didn't become fast friends, they did fine as walking companions. So that was a step forward. And then we talked travels over a pot of tea - mine just completed and hers upcoming (an even crazier schedule - east coast and west and middle, too). Which satisfied a bit more of my craving for connection.

That was last week. This week, among other things, I've been listening nonstop to "Daisy" May Erlewine, a local musician and all-around beautiful soul. Her songs are both complement and antidote to my bleak midwinter mood, and I can't get enough of them right now. So it seems significant that I just came across this tidbit in a back issue of Traverse magazine. The article, "Singin' Us Home," is about May and her musical and life partner Seth Bernard, and it concludes: 

"At a concert during the 2006 Great Lakes Bioneers Conference - an annual Traverse City-based environmental symposium - Seth interjected between songs, "If some of you young people are thinking of moving to Oregon, please don't. We need you here!" It was a message that had personal relevance for the duo: when they were first playing together, Seth and May themselves gave some thought to moving to Portland (Seth's mother and sisters live there and sing together). But Seth and May decided to remain in the Midwest, and they soon became an integral part of Michigan's musical landscape - not to mention two of the busiest musicians in the state. "There was this feeling we both had about all our friends and music here, that it was gaining momentum and galvanizing," Seth says... "Every community has a certain need, and part of our thing is focusing on Michigan."

Indeed. I feel the momentum, too. And I'm here to stay. Digging in. Looking up. Back home.

(Still with me? Regularly scheduled programming resumes soon - more pictures, generally upbeat attitude. In the meantime, I wonder if you might consider leaving a calling card in the comments section - on this post or any other. Sometimes it gets lonely here. I'd love to hear a voice that's not my own!)